Why Withholding is a Symptom of Lazy Writing.

Have you ever read a story where you thought something was happening, worried about the characters and then found out that what the writer had lead you to believe was dead wrong? Did it annoy you as much as it does me? Withholding is one of the main reasons why I take a writer off my "to be read" list.

Okay, so what do I mean by "withholding"? Simply put, withholding happens when  a point of view (POV) character knows information that is held back from the reader often in order to create a "twist" ending. There are a few times when withholding is appropriate. Withholding is expected in a "heist" story. Think "Ocean's Eleven" or "The Sting." The main character has a plan within a plan. His co-conspirators and the reader doesn't know what his real plan is until the first (and seemingly only) plan goes to heck. I love a good heist story even though I know the writer's withholding information from me.

Withholding is not when a character makes a false assumption. This device is often used in mystery novels. Whether the sleuth is a detective, private eye, college co-ed or a sweet old lady, the sleuth can be wrong. The hero thinks the killer is a man because of the strength required for the crime. Turns out the killer was actually a transgender woman. I just read a novel where the writer used this device and didn't have any issue with it. The "wrong" assumption was natural. Now, I did figure out the "twist" well before the reveal but that was because one plot line made no sense unless the seemingly random character in it was the killer. But to get back to the point when the main character makes a credible error the writer isn't withholding information.

So, let me give you an example.

The book I'm currently reading is part of a large series. It starts with a kidnapping in which at least one cop is killed and the potential kidnapping victim is rescued by our hero. It was a great scene. Until I learned that the kidnapping had been staged and my worry about the safety of my hero, who I've grown very attached to over the series, was unfounded. 

I was furious.

Why?

Because I'd invested so much time and energy in false tension. I'm still deciding if I'll pick up the next book in the series. Probably not.

Why is it lazy writing?

Because the writer could have hooked me by showing me the reason for the setup. Then I would have spent my time worrying whether the scam would work or not. Starting the story at the beginning (rather than having a lengthy flashback to set up the scam after it worked) would have given me a chance to know what the stakes were. I would have known why the hero was so desperate to be involved in the situation, and the lives that were actually at stake. I would have been more hooked had the writer bothered to tell me what was going on.

Withholding information generally breaks the contract a writer has with the reader. As a reader I trust you to give me the information I need to understand the story, or at least, the information that the point of view character has. If you withhold information to create false tension, I'm going to feel betrayed.

Another form of withholding is when the writer intentionally misleads the reader. Take the cross-gendered killer I mentioned earlier. I'd read another book from a well respected and well published author where the same twist was used. I will not read anything by that writer again. What's the difference between the transgender killed I mentioned above and this story?

In this one the writer used the killer's point of view and intentionally tricked the reader into thinking the killer was a he and not a she. The writer broke the covenant with me, the reader. The writer tricked me. I no longer had faith in that person's story-telling ability.

Why did the Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis work despite its significant withholding?

Two reasons. First, Bruce Willis's character doesn't know the withheld information. Second, there are clues throughout the movie that make sense in retrospect. The writers did a masterful job in subliminally giving you the needed information. The "big reveal" comes with a sense of "of course" and not betrayal. If you've never watched the movie you probably should. If you have, go back and watch for those clues.

Unless the story falls into the heist genre withholding shouldn't be a part of it. If the ONLY reason the "twist" ending works is because you withheld information or lied to the reader, you might want to rethink your plotting if you want me to pick up another of your books. At least, that's what I think.

So. what do you think?

Cooking with Wenches - Vonnie Hughes' Curry and Captive

 

Welcome to the blog, Vonnie. Take it away...

Stirring up something good. Spice up your life with a new dish that's not expensive and really takes very little hands-on time. I offer you one of our family favorites and I think you'll enjoy it, too. This sweet, mild curry serves eight.

TANGY CURRY

2½ lbs of cubed cheap steak (it will be simmered for ages so cheap steak is fine)
2 finely chopped onions
1 chopped apple
2 chopped carrots
2 tablespoons of ordinary flour
Juice of half a lemon
2 tablespoons of golden syrup (light treacle)(corn syrup)
1 dessertspoon of mild curry powder
1 medium tin of tomato soup
1 small tin of pineapple pieces

Place the steak in a large pot. Add the onions, apple and carrots. In a bowl mix the flour, lemon juice, golden syrup, curry powder and a little of the pineapple juice. Stir this flavored thickening and add to the meat in the pot. Add the tomato soup and pineapple pieces. Cook on a very low heat for two hours, stirring occasionally to prevent sticking. (A little extra liquid may be needed. Water is fine).

Best served with rice and a tossed green salad. Now while you have that 2 hour wait, how about a step back in time with an intro to one of my Regency novels?

When Alexandra Tallis sets free the attractive man her sister stupidly tried to hold captive, her actions lead not only to a love she never thought to find, but also to a horrific family secret that threatens that love.

When Alexandra Tallis discovers that her witless sister has imprisoned their father’s nemesis, Theo Crombie in their attic, she quickly frees him, fighting an unladylike impulse to keep him as her own special captive. Despite the brutal beating she receives from her father for her actions, Alexandra continues to yearn for the delicious Mr. Crombie even though she knows that nothing will ever come of her dreams.

Injured and shackled in a stranger’s attic, Theo unexpectedly discovers the woman of his dreams. But how can he pursue those dreams when her bizarre family’s complex relationships threaten the very foundation of his existence? Somehow Theo must find a way through this maze to claim his lady.

To read an excerpt from Captive, please click HERE.

Vonnie Hughes is a New Zealander living in Australia. She loves animals and jogging. Vonnie writes Regencies and romantic suspense novels along with short stories.
She is presently working on a romantic suspense, working title: Innocent Hostage and a Regency novella, working title: A Tale of Two Sisters. Her earlier book Coming Home is about a soldier and a nurse, thrown together during the Napoleonic wars, who find more danger on their return to England than they ever did on the Iberian Peninsula. The Second Son is actually a prequel to Coming Home. A second son, filled with angst, stands to inherit a title and property through the death of a brother he has always loathed and mistrusted. A young disabled woman teaches him how to find his self-respect and how to love.

Another Regency Historical, Mr. Monfort’s Marriage, has businessman Matthew Monfort inveigled into marrying an earl’s daughter. With good reason he loathes the ton, so his new wife needn’t think she’s going to win him over, even though she’s quite delightful…and intelligent…and sweet…However Verity shows him that not all members of the ton are idle layabouts and that he can do much good with his largesse and with—shock, horror—the unexpected and embarrassing title conferred on him by Prinny.

All of Vonnie’s books are available on Amazon and Musa Publishing. Learn more about Vonnie Hughes on her website and blog. Stay connected on Facebook and Goodreads.

***
Nancy here again. I just finished Captive and I really enjoyed it. Alexandra isn't your typical lady of the Ton. In other words, she has spunk and a brain. Theo is pretty yummy too, and definitely as hot as the curry!  Please check it out.

What are books?

Seen on the wall at a bookstore in Baltimore. Seems to say it all, doesn't it?

Stranger than fiction

What do we mean when we say that life is stranger than fiction. We mean that if I were to put the specific real life event into a book the reader would have a difficult time believing that the event could happen. The "stranger than" event would intrude into the willing suspension of disbelief and shatter the fourth wall. Sometimes the sense of disbelief comes from the converging of too many coincidences. Sometimes that sense is because the events seem so unusual to be true.

I've written before about the picture at the top of the post. The apparently homeless guy with a solar panels, a cell phone and a computer out protesting in front of an embassy in Washington, D.C. His situation stretches the bounds of what we're willing to accept as "real." I could write a whole thesis on why this is the case, but then this would be a very different type of blog.

Let me share my "stranger than" moment from last week.

The boys and I were driving home on Friday when we passed an airplane on the highway. Not flying above it. But on it. Think about that for a moment before scrolling down to the picture.

I have Bobby to thank for the picture since I was driving.

Apparently, someone had taken the plane apart (presumable at rivet points) so it could fit on the trailer. The wings were strapped to the outer panels of the trailer. Unfortunately, we didn't stay close enough to it in the traffic for me to do all of the mental gymnastics to envision the reconstructed plane. I still think all the parts weren't on the trailer although the landing gear could have still been inside the tail section of the truck.

Stranger than fiction.

For my second "stranger" moment this week I was shopping at a high end grocery store. Now this is one of those places where you will spend $200 a week for basic staples. On one of the shelves near the check out was a magazine with the following cover title: "Making Do With Less." Making do with less?  The store sells $1,000 bottles of wine for the love of Pete.  Geez. Let's put it this way.., if you were in that store shopping you weren't making do with less. Seeing the article was just surreal. 

"Stranger than fiction" moments can work in stories but a lot of groundwork is needed to make these very real moments seem "real." in the fiction context.

In the first case, the man with the solar panels, I'd have to develop some fairly detailed backstory that would have to be conveyed to the reader to explain the apparent contradiction between being homeless and having the disposable income to buy several solar panels, a computer, cell phone and cell phone/ internet plan. If I could convince you he could be real than I'd have a fairly amazing character to work with for my story.

I think I'd have to show you the plane being taken apart and loaded by someone with the knowledge to do so without harming it before you'd buy into the idea that a plane could be transported on a boat trailer. After all, I was watching it drive down the highway and still did a double take.

Stranger than fiction moments give us an opportunity to add depth to our story and address some of the odder things that happen in our life. So, I'm actively trying to figure out how I can insert these moments into my story. I think I have a role for my solar powered friend in my current WIP, Schrödinger Effect.  It's going to take me a bit to figure out what to do with the plane. Still, it will be SO worth it.

Stay tuned and I'll let you know how the journey goes.

Dress Has Always Been My Strongest Suit - NOT

I'm visiting the Musa site today and talking about that perfect little dress (and the journey to discovering that I was (*gasp*) a girly girl. Please check it out.

Musa Publishing: Dress Has Always Been My Strongest Suit: NOT by Nancy DiMauro Something strange happened to me when I turned 40. I became a girl. I was that Tom-boy on the school playground, w...

Bell Pepper Relish from Wench Vonnie Hughes

from Vonnie Hughes
Australia is a large continent so that even though it's technically winter, in the northern areas it's still hot and produces great vegetables. Right now we have a glut of bell peppers (we call them capsicums) - green ones, yellow ones (my favorite, they're sweet), orange ones and red ones. So here's a dead simple recipe for Bell Pepper Relish. Only makes 2½ cups, but you can double it. I made it yesterday and gave some away. It's a roaring success.

Bell Pepper Relish

1 large green bell pepper, chopped
1 large red bell pepper, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1 cup chopped tomato
1 cup white wine vinegar
¾ cup sugar
½ tsp. salt
½ tsp. black pepper
½ tsp. curry powder
½ tsp. allspice
1 tsp. garlic flakes

Combine all ingredients in a large, heavy saucepan. Boil at medium-high until the mixture thickens slightly, stirring occasionally - should take about 35 minutes.

Cool, cover and refrigerate. Keep refrigerated. Enjoy!

How about a step back in time with one of my Regency novels? I hope you enjoy this short intro.

When Alexandra Tallis sets free the attractive man her sister stupidly tried to hold captive, her actions lead not only to a love she never thought to find, but also to a horrific family secret that threatens that love.

When Alexandra Tallis discovers that her witless sister has imprisoned their father’s nemesis, Theo Crombie in their attic, she quickly frees him, fighting an unladylike impulse to keep him as her own special captive. Despite the brutal beating she receives from her father for her actions, Alexandra continues to yearn for the delicious Mr. Crombie even though she knows that nothing will ever come of her dreams.

Injured and shackled in a stranger’s attic, Theo unexpectedly discovers the woman of his dreams. But how can he pursue those dreams when her bizarre family’s complex relationships threaten the very foundation of his existence? Somehow Theo must find a way through this maze to claim his lady.

To read an excerpt from Captive, please click HERE.

Vonnie Hughes is a New Zealander living in Australia. She loves animals and jogging. Vonnie writes Regencies and romantic suspense novels along with short stories. She is presently working on a romantic suspense, working title: Innocent Hostage and a Regency novella, working title: A Tale of Two Sisters.

Her earlier book Coming Home is about a soldier and a nurse, thrown together during the Napoleonic wars, who find more danger on their return to England than they ever did on the Iberian Peninsula.

The Second Son is a prequel to Coming Home. A second son, filled with angst, stands to inherit a title and property through the death of a brother he has always loathed and mistrusted. A young disabled woman teaches him how to find his self-respect and how to love.

Another Regency Historical, Mr. Monfort’s Marriage, has businessman Matthew Monfort inveigled into marrying an earl’s daughter. With good reason he loathes the ton, so his new wife needn’t think she’s going to win him over, even though she’s quite delightful…and intelligent…and sweet…However Verity shows him that not all members of the ton are idle layabouts and that he can do much good with his largesse and with—shock, horror—the unexpected and embarrassing title conferred on him by Prinny.

All of Vonnie’s books are available on Amazon and Musa Publishing. Learn more about Vonnie Hughes on her website and blog. Stay connected on Facebook and Goodreads.

Avoiding 5 Writing "Mistakes"

I recently finished editing New Bohemia: Just One Night and am waiting to get it back from the first beta reader. Waiting for those comments is always nerve wracking. Instead of obsessing, I thought I'd share some editing tips I've learned from my "mistakes" along the way. The list below contains some of the things I check my work for before I end the first stage of editing.

1. Don't have disembodied body parts.

I owe my education on this one to Celina Summers, Head Muse at Musa Publishing. It was something that I'd never considered before she pointed it out. Now I can't ignore when it happens. I tend to make this "mistake" when I'm trying to vary sentence structure and not constantly start the sentences with a pronoun or proper noun.

What do I mean by disembodied body parts? When there's no person attribution and the writer uses only the unattributed body part to function as the sentence's subject. 

So, the sentence, "Fingernails scraped across the chalkboard" falls into this category. Really, the nails did it by themselves? They weren't attached to fingers and those fingers weren't attached to a hand? Unless, you're reading a zombie novel and the parts really can act without being attached to someone, it's probably better to write "Her fingernails scraped across the chalkboard." 

2. Watch out for unintentional distancing in the narrative.

My first editor at Musa, Jennifer Ayers, pointed this out to me. It was one of those face-meet-palm moments because it's brilliantly simple once you know what you're looking for.

One of the main benefits of a third person point of view (POV) is it creates a connection between the reader and the character. When we create distance between the reader and the character we run the risk of losing the reader's interest and having her put the book down. Unintentional distancing is a type of POV violation or redundancy.

You create distance with a sentence like: "Bob felt the coarse texture of the rough spun wool under his fingers."

Why? Because we're already in Bob's POV. So telling me that "Bob felt" takes me a step back. A "better" sentence might be "The coarse texture of the rough spun wool abraded his fingers." Why do I think that's better? The precatory language "Bob felt" is gone. Also, the second sentence is more interesting because it tells me more about Bob and the feel of the material.

3. Avoid talking heads.

There are days I wonder if I should have been a screenwriter. My first draft of a scene is generally mostly dialog. I don't fill in the character movements or blocking fleshed out. While "talking heads" scenes are fine in a first draft, there needs to be more detail before the first beta reader gets a look. Long stretches of dialog needs to be interrupted by action, even if that action is as simple as standing up,.

4. When you limit weak verbs, characters rarely just "stand up" or "walk."

Speaking of standing up, motion gives you a chance to show character. Whether a character eases down into a seat, perches on the edge or extends his left leg out straight ad stiff when he sits tells a lot about who he is or his emotional state.  There's a difference between a character who "danced" across the street, and another who "lumbered" across it. The words "dance" and "lumber" evoke different mental images. Did you see a female moving for "danced" and a male for "lumbered"? I did.

Verb choices matter.

5. Remember the setting.

I just finished reading 20 storied for Flash Fiction Online's slush pile. At a guess one quarter of those stories suffered from the White Room Syndrome. It is almost never appropriate to ignore the setting. It is almost never appropriate to set a scene in a white painted room with white furniture. Yawn. I've seen a character waking up in a fully white room work once in a story. Once. And that character woke up in a hospital cell in a futuristic Center for Disease Control Center.

Also, keep in mind that POV matters when describing setting. An interior designer will notice more and different details than a 5 year old when looking at the same room. But both will notice and mentally, at least, comment on the space.

I hope this was helpful, or at least interesting. Now I'll go back to waiting. Sigh.